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A Beginners Guide To Extensions

Saturday, December 16th, 2017

Why Are a Lot of Humans Accepting Hair Extensions? If it comes to hair extensions, a lot of questions consistently appear to the minds of those who apperceive a tiny affair and even annihilation about them. Who are candidates of hair extensions? Hair extensions are fabricated of what and what all-important methods accept to be undertaken? Can you get a hair addendum at any time of the day? Where can hair extensions be obtained? Why do you charge hair extensions? And lastly, the a lot of analytical catechism would accept to be… How are hair extensions declared to be attached? What hair extensions are all about will be discussed aboriginal so that you will not accept a harder time compassionate them. These days, humans from all about the apple will do all that they can to be able to access the after-effects that they wish immediately. This is a lot of absolutely one of the affidavit why a lot of adorableness and corrective companies consistently advance their techniques such as those active in the age-old adjustment of abacus constructed or animal hair to your own hair to accomplish it attending like it just grew on your own scalp. The appellation ‘ancient’ has been active because such adjustment has already been acclimated for a continued time with the brand of hair pieces, wigs, and weaves. A lot of of the accepted methods were taken from African-American stylists who are experts if it comes to aberrant constructed or animal hair into blah rows that gives the hair of the being a accustomed and abounding look.

So, who are candidates for hair extensions? There are abundant celebrities who adopt to get hair extensions so that they are able to fit in bigger with their cine roles. In the accomplished 5 years, it is because of the celebrities application hair extensions that accept abundantly afflicted the advanced acceptance of hair extensions. Upon seeing magazines that accept your admired celebrity as awning with long, accustomed looking, and abounding hair, you are a lot of absolutely traveling to archetype such angel abnormally their hair. A lot of humans anticipate that accepting hair extensions is in actuality alone for the rich. Yet, a lot of hair extensions now in actuality appear at a bargain amount and are actual affordable for accustomed consumers.

Despite the actuality that hair extensions can be acclimated to add aggregate and highlight to your hair, its capital purpose of addition one’s hair is still actual accepted these days. However, a lot of stylists do not accede with this, because for them there is added to hair extensions than just abacus breadth to your hair. Hair extensions are accessible in a advanced array of colors and styles; thus, there is no charge to get it just be because you wish to amplify your hair. Furthermore, there is not just one hair blazon than can board hair extensions, any hair blazon will do. So, if can a being get hair extensions? There is no appropriate time in accepting hair extensions as continued as you just accept the accessible time. To get the after-effects that you want, do accomplish abiding to argue any hair addendum stylist aboriginal afore you adjudge to get hair extensions attached. This is aswell a acceptable affair because a lot of constructed or animal hair extensions are pre-ordered to bout your requirements and needs. You apperceive you accept a reliable hair addendum stylist if he or she is able to acquaint you about your accepted hair cachet as able-bodied as hair addendum affairs such as how to attach them, any apparent ancillary effects, and methods on how to yield absolutely acceptable affliction of them. You apperceive you accept a acceptable hair addendum stylist if they do not get you hair extensions if you accept acutely damaged hair, hair thinning, and hair accident and alone do it if your hair improves.

A 10-Point Plan for Aprons (Without Being Overwhelmed)

Friday, December 15th, 2017

Waiters Uniforms and the Argumentation Abaft a Chef’s Compatible Creating a unified and anatomic plan of restaurant uniforms advised accurately for your business agency anecdotic the needs of your aggregation first. In added words, your advisers should not alone attending amazing and modern, it should fit and action appropriately for them. It should be abiding to bear the abundant demands of aliment account and actualization to enhance your employee’s image. The uniforms should aswell be chargeless from wrinkles with damp wicking features. Cool discharge is aswell addition mark charge for your waiters with aprons that holds multi-functional pockets all-important to accumulate them agile. While you can accept altered styles and colors for your waiters’ compatible according to their accurate job, it is altered with a chef’s compatible because it has to be advised as a careful gear. And actuality we will be spending added time in analogue the aberration amid the two. It is able-bodied to yield agenda that one does not accept so abundant best if it comes to the white black compatible of the chef with an abnormal hat which assume abstract back they are the ones that is appoint in the smuttiest job in a restaurant business. It will somehow be advantageous to chase the argumentation abaft their compatible to acquiesce you not to abatement into acclimation your chef accouterment artlessly to accept the appearance.

Doing Aprons The Right Way

It is actual important for you to accept the accent of accouterment your chef with a careful accessory such as aprons and hats. People who are alive in the kitchen apperceive the important of careful accouterment if affable in the kitchen. These careful apparatus are not artlessly to assure the chef’s clothes from accepting bedraggled but it is abundant added than that.

Doing Aprons The Right Way

While aprons can be acclimated to assure our clothes from accepting dirty, they are aswell actual advantageous for blaze protection. Today you can acquisition fireproof accouterment that chef’s can use while alive in the kitchen to assure them from fire. Added than getting fireproof these accurate abstracts are aswell actual simple to wash. So let’s absorb time to analyze the aberration amid affection and added accustomed bolt adjoin these fireproof materials. If it is for blaze protection, affection and added accustomed abstracts are not able of accomplishing it. Addition affair about affection is that if it gets stained, you will face a abundant claiming in removing those stains. Sweating is bargain if a chef wears a hat, and the acumen abaft its acme is that this is how calefaction is blown from his head. These top hats keeps hot air abroad from the chef’s face back it works like a fan to accompany air from the basal to move upwards. The chef’s hat is aswell acceptable to anticipate his hair from falling in the aliment items.

Interesting Research on Flowers – What No One Ever Told You

Friday, December 15th, 2017

Flowers In Online Annual Shops

Big cities or towns will usually accept annual shops around. Sometimes you cannot acquisition the flowers that you are searching for in the annual shops. You can accomplish abiding that you get beginning flowers delivered to you by application online annual shops. These online annual shops accept actual acceptable chump account and they could aswell accord you affordable prices with fast delivery.

You can accurate your animosity for anyone through the giving of flowers. They are abatement and aswell calming. You can accord a being flowers at any time you want. You accept a lot of options if it allotment what affectionate of flowers you wish for a assertive break and this could be challenging. You can ask the advice of an online florist to abetment you in acrimonious out the best flowers for you and get them delivered to the appropriate destination beyond the world.

Aside from paying affordable prices, you can get them delivered to your abode appropriate away. There are some bounded shops that will accept bound options and services. You can be abiding that there is acceptable chump service.

Look for the appropriate annual shops online. For whatever break you charge them, these online floral shops can accommodate you with aggregate that you charge and want. You can calmly forward annual adjustment for funerals, birthdays, and weddings with just one bang of the button. You can get any affectionate of flowers and floral arrange from locations of the apple if you use an online floral shop. If you charge to do floral combinations that can’t be begin at your bounded floral shop, you can analysis online. You can leave a acceptable consequence on anyone by giving them one of a affectionate flowers. Spice it up a bit and use alien flowers. Aside from authoritative abiding impressions on people, they will aswell bethink that you gave them something absolutely special.

The Internet allows you to accept all-inclusive options with just one bang of a button. This action is now simple and affordable as well.

You can online floral shops for the an absolute archive of articles and bales and aswell get to analyze them. You will be able to aces out the colors, kinds, fillers, and even packaging options. There will aswell be guidelines and advice to advice you choose. If you aswell charge greeting cards, these can already appear with the flowers.

There is aswell technology complex if it comes to accepting reminders about sending flowers for appropriate dates and occasions.

With the advice of technology, you can forward flowers through online floral shops even if you are busy. You can affix with humans and appearance them you affliction by sending them flowers. Online annual shops can be actual accessible and acceptable if sending flowers.

Citation: dig this

A Few Mini Religious Shorts

Friday, September 15th, 2017

Of all of those Big Questions central to philosophical concepts that surround life, the universe and everything, the realms of theology and religions and the nature of deities continue to fascinate. Opinions proliferate in books, articles, videos, conversations in bars and pubs, and in fact anywhere and everywhere two or more humans are in proximity. There’s the pro side; there’s the anti-side. There aren’t too many fence-sitters. I’m in the anti-camp as the following religious short pieces illustrate.

Contents:

Does God Intervene In Human Affairs?

You Know God Exists (Nudge-Nudge, Wink-Wink)

God in the Bible

In Defence of Santa

What Can Science Say About God’s Scientific Literacy?

Atheist’s Motives

Religious Belief Systems versus Truth

Chin-Wagging in the Bible Negates the Bible

What Does Not Constitute Evidence for God’s Existence

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Does God Intervene In Human Affairs?

God – assuming a real God of course and that’s pretty doubtful – may or may not intervene in human affairs, but His middlemen (and almost without exception all these middlemen were in fact men) certainly do. These middlemen are the collective powers-that-be behind God’s trilogy of major monotheistic religions and boy do they have an awful lot to answer for.

These religions under the leadership of God’s middlemen have been throughout recorded history the biggest contributor to the suppression of women; the biggest contributor to population issues (be fruitful and multiply); the biggest contributor to environmental issues (humans having total dominion over all of the Earth); the biggest contributor to wars and rumours of wars; the biggest contributor to imposing moral standards on everyone that falls within their sphere of influence and by inflicting severe, cruel and unusual punishments (i.e. – torture) for infractions up through and including capital punishment; the biggest contributor to child abuse (especially sexual abuse) and neglect; and the especially the biggest contributor to dictating all things that happen behind closed doors in the bedroom.

And all those middlemen end up leading the great unwashed up the garden path by promising salvation and a happy-ever-after eternal life (with or without halos, wings and harps) – promises they can’t actually meet. As a result, many of the great unwashed don’t make the fullest and most productive uses of the time in the one life they do actually have on the grounds that they feel there is not much point to this short, nasty and brutish life if there’s a better and eternal one to follow.

Finally, as one of numerous examples, the treatment dished out to the Aztecs and the Incas by the invading and conquering Christian Conquistadors will forever remain a dark and very bloody stain on Christianity. In short, religion and intolerance go cheek-by-jowl.

So God may not have intervened directly to bring these things about, but His middlemen sure accomplished His will.

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You Know God Exists (Nudge-Nudge, Wink-Wink)

Within the scope of people who claim that God exists, you usually get metaphysical arguments that ‘prove’ that existence. Arguments like how there must have been a first cause; how life, the Universe and everything is designed and fine-tuned; where did morality come from if not from God, how God is a necessary being, etc. But then again…

You can get some real theist “nut-jobs” like, for example, Christian apologist Sye Ten Bruggencate who gives an absolute proof of God’s actual existence as follows. Everyone knows that God actually exists, therefore God actually must exist. And the actual evidence for that according to Bruggencate is stated explicitly in the Bible (Romans 1: 18-21) and you will not question this for God will not be questioned (Romans 9: 20) or mocked (Galatians 6:7). God exists because you know God exists because the Bible says so. So there! Case closed!

So the Bible is absolutely true since it is God’s absolute word. Of course how do you know that God didn’t lie to you? Well the obvious answer according to Bruggencate is that God doesn’t lie. So there! Take that you non-believers and stick it up your – wherever.

Anyway, I gather this must be knowledge you are born with. Maybe it comes as value-adding when you get your officially heaven-issued soul. Anyway, the ‘fact’ that everyone knows that God actually exists certainly comes as news to me. At birth I thought we were all blank slates and dry sponges ready to absorb and assimilate whatever version of reality (nature and nurture) that reality throws at us. A blank slate means no preconceived concepts of anything, including God.

Anyway, I don’t know that God actually exists. I’m sure a newborn baby hasn’t a clue. An elderly person with an advanced state of dementia isn’t even aware of his / her own existence and that of his / her immediate family far less that of the actual existence of an invisible magic man in the sky. Humans living 50,000 years ago didn’t apparently know about God (no cave paintings of an elderly bearded male sitting up in the clouds surrounded by winged angels) and even when writing came to pass the first gods that were written about bore no similarity to the Christian God by any stretch of the imagination. Further, if everybody knew innately that there was just such a God, and only that God, then why have hundreds of other religions come up with drastically differing variation on the theme of deities? How did they arise and evolve? And if we all innately know that God exists, what’s the point in sending out missionaries and putting Bibles in hotel rooms?

If you argue that there are other gods that need to be taken into consideration, well there’s a ready answer for that too. There are no other gods according to Bruggencate (the Bible differs on this point in numerous chapters and verses), just idols and admitting that other ‘idols’ exist is idolatry and that’s an absolute no-no because God, who you absolutely know exists, says so.

But apparently if you don’t know that God exists then you have actually and deliberately suppressed this absolute bit of factual knowledge given to you (presumably by God Himself) for one evil or sinful reason or other.

If you have even half a rational mind to think original thoughts with then I think one can easily dismiss Sye Ten Bruggencate. But don’t take my word for it. Watch Bruggencate rant and rave and all but foam at the mouth in debates, interviews and lectures on YouTube. Wow!

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God In The Bible

One of the more ludicrous facets involving the God Hypothesis is that during the era where all those Biblical events were allegedly unfolding, Australia was populated; Africa (south of the equator) was populated; the Americas were populated; Asia was populated; Northern Europe was populated and Russia was populated. Yet, an alleged omni-present God [and later on, Jesus] totally ignored these regions and their populations. So the obvious conclusion is that God was just a mythological invention by the Near East and Middle East locals, albeit slightly evolved in concept from the local theological mythologies that preceded the God Hypothesis. Nothing new there. Every populated region on the globe during Biblical times (and often before) developed their own non-Biblical brand of theology and associated deities and no specific region can logically claim to state that they have absolute claim to theological truth and that all else that originates from other regions is mythological by comparison. And just to add insult to injury, neither Father, Son nor Holy Ghost has been sighted now for thousands of years – oops.

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In Defence of Santa

Obviously Santa Claus isn’t real, yet you’d be very hard pressed to actually prove that to the satisfaction of everyone else on this planet. So arguing against that rather non-provable proof, just for the sake of argument…

Santa is real. You can post actual physical letters in actual physical mailboxes to Santa himself. You can’t write and post letters to mythical persons.

We’ve all seen pictures of Santa holding a bottle of a well known soft drink and since this well known soft drink is certainly real, well Santa must be real too by association.

There are millions of photographs of Santa with (for example) children sitting in his lap and dozens of movies starring Santa. “Photography is truth. Cinema is truth at twenty-four times per second” (Jean-Luc Godard).

Santa has an established historical record going back many centuries. I’ve even seen a non-fictional biography of Santa in the bookstores.

Ask your typical WASP 5-year-old, or for that matter nearly any 5-year-old if Santa is real. You know the answer you’ll get, and parents will reinforce the child’s answer. I mean on Xmas Day kids will find presents under the Xmas tree with Santa’s name on the gift tag. What more proof do you need to establish Santa’s bona-fides?

There are millions of Xmas cards with images of Santa on them. You can buy all manner of sorts of Xmas kitsch with Santa’s image on them; even Santa masks for use on Halloween.

You can see Santa standing on the street corners collecting for charities. You can meet and greet Santa in the lead up to Xmas in department stores and in shopping malls. Santa answers to the name “Santa” and there are signage posts pointing the way to Santa.

But how you ask can Santa possibly do what Santa does on Xmas Eve? Isn’t that physically impossible? No, all things are possible in the realm of the supernatural and Santa is surely a supernatural being who is all-powerful and can invoke MAGIC to accomplish his Xmas Eve feats.

Further, Santa is surely all-knowing too. That’s because he keeps a list and checks it twice so he knows if you’ve been naughty or nice – so be good for goodness sake!

And finally, Santa, by all accounts, is way, way, way more omni-benevolent, all-loving, all-just, and all-merciful than any god, specifically God. If you’re a 5-year-old, what’s God done for you lately? Finally, I’ve never heard it said that Santa condones stoning children to death or letting loose bears on them.

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What Can Science Say About God’s Scientific Literacy?

Since the Bible is alleged to be God’s holy word, then events in the Bible reflect God’s doings and of course His holy word. If some of those events fall within the realm of science (like within the physical and biological sciences) then God is subject at least in part to what science has to say about these ‘scientific’ Biblical events.

The Bible is literally true, and therefore must be 100% scientifically true as well because the Bible is the word of God (2 Timothy 3: 16). If you swallow that hook, line and sinker then you swallow the following claims that I’m sure professional physical and biological scientists would take some serious issue with.

Starting with the physical sciences:

*Life, the Universe and everything created in just six days roughly 6000 years ago.

*The ordering of the creations in Genesis 1 is totally at odds with what science has discovered. Genesis would have us believe that the Earth was created before the Sun and the stars.

*Forty days and nights of worldwide rain.

*A worldwide flood for which there is no evidence.

*Noah’s Ark – and how did kangaroos get to and from the Ark?

*Alchemy – A woman being turned into a pillar of salt.

*A non-consuming burning bush that defies basic chemistry.

*The parting of the Red (Reed) Sea.

*Manna from heaven.

*Trumpets and shouting blowing the rock walls of Jericho down.

*The Sun & Moon commanded to stand still in the sky, and doing so.

*Walking on water.

*More alchemy – turning water into wine.

*The magical multiplication of loaves and fishes.

*Unexplained hours of darkness (during the crucifixion).

Let’s not neglect the biological sciences:

*Adam was created from just plain dust.

*Eve was created from a male (Adam’s) rib – therefore Eve should have been male.

*We have a serpent / snake that talks.

*There’s human lifespans in excess of 900 years.

*Bats are identified as birds.

*Death to all of the ancient Egyptian first born.

*Over 600,000 people wandering aimlessly about in the wilderness for forty years.

*Becoming pregnant at 90 years of age.

*A talking donkey.

*The relationship between hair length and physical strength.

*Jonah’s whale-of-a-tale of being in the ‘whale’ for three days and surviving to tell the tale.

*All manner of weird and wonderful highly problematical creatures including the four-winged cherubim, the six-winged seraphim, the cockatrice (or basilisk), the dragon, a flying horse, locusts (but most certainly not your normal garden variety), the behemoth, lambs with horns, giants (the Nephilim), the satyr, unicorns, the leviathan, sea monsters, and a weird composite beast that arises from the sea in Revelation 13: 1-2.

*A virgin birth – therefore Jesus should have been born female.

*Walking zombies.

*Resurrections from the dead.

So if the Bible is God’s holy word then God has no comprehension of the laws, principles and relationships in and of the sciences He presumably created. On the other hand, if the Bible was written by humans for humans based on the common scientific understandings – plus a goodly dose of artistic license – and literacy of those times, then things are far more coherent.

In conclusion, I think that science has an awful lot to say about God, God’s holy word and what was alleged in 2 Timothy 3: 16. Don’t you? Now are you going to put your trust in hundreds of geographically isolated and unknown authors who probably were just herders and farmers with little actual formal education or scientific literacy; unnamed authors who cobbled together these Biblical texts (some of which were later rejected) over many hundreds of years; authors all living over thousands of years ago – OR – modern day highly educated professional scientists who have to get their work peer-reviewed by other highly educated professional scientists?

Addendum: There’s at least one other well-known scientific anomaly in the New Testament, and that is the ‘Star’ of Bethlehem. It’s bleedingly obvious based on the lone description in Matthew 2 that the ‘star’ can’t be astronomical since it ends up standing still which it can’t do if the Earth rotates, so for all practical purposes one may as well call it a UFO and be done with it.

Speaking of stars, the Bible relates that in the End Times the “stars will fall from heaven” (Matthew 24: 29; Mark 13: 25; Revelation 6: 13) which might have seemed plausible to the great unwashed back in Biblical times, but is total nonsense in our modern astronomy.

There’s even more stellar nonsense in Joel 2: 10; and Joel 3: 15 – “The stars shall withdraw their shining”.

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Atheist’s Motives

Why do or why should atheists make their atheistic points of view and put them out into the public square for all the world to see? What motivates them apart from being convinced of their own worldviews? Here’s a trilogy of reasons.

Religious beliefs have caused over the millennia massive harm to both human and animal species. Anything that can assist in reducing those sets of beliefs and the numbers who hold them and thus the resulting atrocities done in the name of those beliefs by those people can only be a positive thing or achievement.

Many countries have legislated their national brand of religion as the absolute law of the land (i.e. – the Middle East; parts of Asia, etc.) and other countries like the United States are trying to accomplish the same. There are many on the religious right side of American politics who are hell bent on ending the separation of church and state and turning the USA into a theocracy and thus shoving their religious beliefs and values down everyone else’s throats. I rather suspect but can’t actually yet prove that the current American Veep (Pence) is a political case in point. That’s gotta end.

Anything that decreases belief systems that appear more important than the actual truth of those belief systems in favor of belief systems based on actual evidence is a worthwhile objective.

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Religious Belief Systems Versus Truth

Since I’ve raised the issue immediately above, I need explain why often belief systems are more important than the actual truth of those beliefs. This phenomena, by the way, isn’t just confined to the religious-minded. We probably all have at least one belief we’d cling tenaciously to even if we were presented with logical arguments why it was incorrect. Anyway, the focus here is on religious beliefs. We could easily hold those religious beliefs, contrary to rational arguments and evidence to the contrary, because (and I don’t pretend that this is an exhaustive list):

*We might get a sense of comfort and well-being and contentment inherent in those beliefs.

*We might feel the need to grasp at straws – just in case.

*Perhaps our professed belief systems elevate us and give us extra status in the eyes of others (family, neighbours, friends, fellow workers, etc.) and in the general community at large.

*Perhaps our belief systems give us an extra sense of worth, say by contributing to the collection plate every Sunday or otherwise serving in some capacity within the religious establishment’s structure.

*Perhaps we have invested so much time and effort and money into establishing and exhibiting our beliefs that it’s just impossible to do a 180 degree turnaround.

Does the above justify believing without evidence? IMHO no. Obviously true believers will agree to disagree.

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Chin-Wagging In The Bible Negates The Bible

The major piece of suggestive evidence that the Bible is just a work of pure historical fiction is that it contains, like all good works of fiction, massive amounts of oral dialogues and monologues with nobody ever identified as being present and accounted for as scribes writing down these conversations, these duets and arias. In that sense there are more parallels between the Bible and say the Iliad and Odyssey, the Epic of Gilgamesh (all historical fiction), or even the alleged plays of Shakespeare (some of which is historical fiction) than with say any nonfictional account of ancient Greek history or even a biography of Cleopatra. There are no monologues or dialogues given in the latter because there’s no record of there being actual oral conversations that were written down in real time and which have survived to the present day.

I mean we have no idea what Alexander the Great, any of the Roman emperors, Socrates*, Erik the Red, Leif Erikson, Pythagoras, Pericles, or Euclid said in any oral conversations they had. Yet we ‘know’ what Adam and Eve said. Really?

We have no idea what Kheops (Cheops), Thutmose III, Hatshepsut, Akhenaten, Nefertiti, Tutankhamun, Rameses the Great, or Cleopatra VII ever uttered, and that applies to all of the ancient Egyptian Kings and Pharaohs. Yet we ‘know’ what an unnamed Pharaoh in the Biblical Book of Exodus said. Really?

Now we know what these bona-fide ancient historical people actually wrote down, or what they formally instructed their scribes to write down, but as to what they actually said, as in normal conversations, or what they may have muttered to themselves, we know not.

*Though Plato invented many dialogues that Socrates had with other characters in order to illustrate his various philosophical issues and points. In a similar way, Hollywood films or novels that feature the character Cleopatra or Alexander the Great obviously include invented dialogues on their behalf.

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What Does Not Constitute Evidence For God’s Existence

Faith or belief. If you have faith or belief then that faith or belief is based without sufficient evidence. If you know something, then presumably that is based on actual evidence that you can share with others.

Personal experiences. Personal experiences are just that, personal. They convey no evidence relating to that experience to anyone else who hasn’t shared that experience, an unlikely happening since, by definition, the experience was personal. Further, spiritual experiences are not confined to God, Jesus or the Virgin Mary. All manner of other deities from Osiris to Shiva to Apollo and Odin have been personally experienced. That also applies to extraterrestrials as well as having visions and communications with the deceased.

The Bible. The Bible is just another holy book, one of many such holy books. The Bible is also just a book and anyone can write words in a book. Libraries and bookstores are full of such books, often called fiction. While the Bible is IMHO historical fiction (like “Gone with the Wind”) there is no actual independently verifiable evidence for any of the alleged supernatural events as related in Biblical texts.

Metaphysical, theological, philosophical arguments. These are indeed just arguments, pure thought experiments, and have never had any satisfactory resolutions – at least to the satisfaction of all who argue. It’s on the other hand hard to argue against evidence. One can argue about which theory of gravity best explains gravity, but nobody argues that gravity doesn’t actually exist.

Appeal to authority. Authority figures aren’t infallible. They can be wrong. Even the Pope can’t absolutely prove that the Christian God exists.

Majority rules. Even if a billion people believe in a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing. Billions have believed that the Sun goes around the Earth, but that belief system has now gone by the boards.

Need for agency. When faced with a mystery, people often resort to an explanation by an agent. The common example is: lightning is a mystery, therefore Thor / Zeus done it. Those that propose that lightning is the product of Thor’s hammer and/or Zeus and his thunderbolts would be expected to produce some more substantial than just “Thor did it” or that “Zeus did it”. They just might be expected to demonstrate that Thor and/or Zeus first existed and secondly had the means and temperament to hurl lightning bolts around.

God of the Gaps: Just because some phenomena hasn’t yet been fully explained (like where something actually came from) doesn’t automatically mean God done it. God is not the default position and when you don’t know something then your answer is “I don’t know”.

What Not To Tell The One You Love

Friday, September 15th, 2017

A widely held belief about love and marriage is that partners should be totally open and honest with each other. We think that it is a sign of trust and genuine sharing to hide nothing from the one we love. But surprisingly, many marriage therapists and other experts in human relationships doubt that it is genuinely loving, wise – or moral – to be totally honest. On the basis of clinical experience and psychological expertise, they say that at times there are certain thoughts and feelings that you should keep to yourself or even lie about, if you truly love your partner.

Do you know what – and what not – to tell the one you love? And when? Test your own wisdom about love and honesty by answering these questions. Then see the conclusions of the distinguished panel of experts.

  1. Mrs. A is 30 centimeters shorter than her husband. She says to him “I’ll bet you wish I were one of those tall girls with long, slim legs.” She’s right, but should he admit it?
  2. Mr. B eats too fast and talks with food in his mouth. This embarrasses his wife in company. Should she tell him?
  3. Mrs. C has little interest in sex. She believes this result from a naturally low sex drive, not from a physical or emotional problem. Sorrowfully, she says to her husband “I’m sure you wish you had married someone sexier.” It’s true, but what should he say?
  4. In front of friends, Mrs. D comments on Mr. D’s meekness in dealing with salesman, neighbours, and his boss. She has a point, but he’s humiliated and angry. Should he tell her?
  5. Mrs. E is bothered by Mr. E’s single-handed control of their money and his refusal to share any homemaking chores. She knows he’s not selfish but merely old-fashioned. Should she tell him how annoyed she is by his attitude?
  6. At the beach, watching the young singles, Mr. F feels envious; he wishes he were one of them. His wife says, “A penny for your thoughts.” Should he admit he misses his bachelor days?
  7. Mrs. G enjoys sex with her husband only when she closes her eyes and imagines that he’s her favourite film actor. She feels ashamed about doing so. Should she tell him?
  8. Mr. H has a brief secret affair. It’s over, but he remains deeply guilt-ridden. He longs to tell his wife all and ask her forgiveness. Should he do so?
  9. Miss I and Mr. J are planning to marry. She never told him that in her teens she had an abortion. Should she tell him now?
  10. Mr. K has never revealed to his fiancée, Miss L, that in his teens he had a homosexual relationship that lasted several months. He is oppressed by guilt at not having told her. What should he do?
  11. Mr. M, a widower, has asked Mrs. N, a divorcee, to marry him. In a moment of great intimacy she whispers, “Do you love me as much as you loved her?” He doesn’t. Should he lie?
  12. Mrs. O has inoperable cancer and will probably die within the years. Mr. O is extremely depressed at the prospect of life without her and finds it painful to keep these feelings to himself. Should he unburden himself to her?

The modern view holds that there should be no secrets or lies between intimate partners. The panelists took the more complicated but common-sense position that the circumstances determine whether total honesty is wrong or right. Karl Scheibe pointed out that “fidelity to another person requires discretion, tact, protection, kindness, forbearance and sensitivity. These requirements are more complex than the simple principle of always telling ‘the truth’.” On the other hand, lies and secrets can easily create distance between partners. One must carefully weigh each case.

Here’s how the panel applied these principles:

1. Mrs. A can’t do anything about the fact she’s short. For Mr. A to reveal his feelings would hurt her. Mr. A may have to elaborate the truth to meet his wife’s needs. Ray Fowler suggests an answer: “If I wanted someone like that, I’d have married someone like that. I didn’t I married you, and I love you as you are.” Several panelists said that Mr. A should stress the qualities in his wife that mean more to him than long legs.

2. Almost all the panelists agreed that Mrs. B should tell Mr. B how she feels about his eating habits. Several suggested that they’re faults he could correct, with good results for both of them. But as Ellen Berman pointed out, “The really tough part is how and when to tell. Not at an intimate, vulnerable moment. Not when the other person is already ‘down’. Not in middle of an ugly fight.” Robert Whitehurst stressed that “she should time it when he can handle it, when he’s feeling good about himself and the two of them.”

3, 4 and 5. In all three cases, the problem is one of a flaw in the relationship that might be corrected or compensated for. Mrs. C may be wrong that her sex drive is naturally low. Her husband ought to tell her how he feels and suggest that they seek professional help. Her sex drive might be increased or, as Albert Ellis noted, she might discover that “she could more enthusiastically and adeptly try various sex acts that will give both of them more pleasure.” But Ellis warned that telling such a truth is a good idea only if the wife is rational and realistic: “If she’s a strong self-blamer, he had better keep quiet.”

Nearly all panelists agreed that Mr. D should tell his wife how her public criticism makes him feel, though carefully choosing how and when he does so. Angrily expressing resentment often yields only a pitched battle.

Mrs. E may get her husband to relax – and share – his control of the family finances if she tells him how she feels without making it an all-out attack. As for getting him to lend a hand with household chores, Evelyn Duvall commented: “She should suggest one simple task she would like him to do, then express her appreciation for his help.” And take it from there.

6. The panel disagreed on this one. Several said that it was fine for Mr. F to have private thoughts about being a young single as long as they didn’t affect his wife’s well-being or his feelings for her. There’s a difference between secrecy and privacy, and no matter how intimate two people are, each deserves some private space. Most of those who said Mr. F should tell the truth said he should do so in a harmless way. Marcia Lasswell’s suggestion: “He could say, ‘I wish I were eighteen again.’ “

7. Mrs. G should not tell about her sexual fantasies. Frederick Humphrey commented: “Sexual fantasies of this kind are often devastating to the other partner. Let Mrs. G enjoy her fantasies – privately.”

8. most panelists said that Mr. H should either bear the burden of his guilt about his affair or seek professional help. It could be unwise and unfair to shift his burden on to his wife. Tilla Vahanian commented: “Although the truth is rarely as painful as the barrier created by secrets, if the only reason to the reveal something is to unburden oneself without regard to the impact on one’s mate – as in this case – staying quiet may be more responsible.” David Mace added: “The ethic of honesty must always be subservient to the ethic of love. Where the confession of sexual infidelity might be devastating to the partner, the unfaithful partner should discuss the matter with a counsellor who can help him or her decide whether to confess.”

9 and 10. In both cases, many panelists felt that the truth need not be told. But one panelist said that the secret of the homosexual experience might have some bearing if Mr. K still has homosexual yearnings. Then the truth should be told to avoid future problems.

11. Nearly all panelists felt that Mr. M should not tell. Mrs. N cannot change the situation, and the truth can only hurt her. Many said that Mr. M should say that his love for his wife was different from his love for Mrs. N and that there’s no way to compare them.

12. This may be the most difficult case of all. Most panelists felt that Mr. O should tell Mrs. O how he feels, but some felt strongly that he should not tell her the full extent of his misery. Said Marcia Lasswell: “He ought not add to her burden – but she’d think something was wrong if he showed no apprehension or sorrow.” Karl Scheibe was more emphatic: “He should do all in his power to make her last year as happy as possible. She’ll understand that he’ll be grieved. He needn’t make her share the full force of his pain.”

Summing up the question of what – and what not – to tell the one you love, Douglas and Lynelle Hale-Sprenkle said: “It is not so much a case of whether to be truthful, but when and how – and in what way to be most loving.”